God is too good to be unkind. He is too wise to be confused. If I cannot trace His hand, I can always trust His heart._Spurgeon
“Grace”…”Goodness”…”Guarantee”: these are the other faith-growing alliterations so poignant in my life right now.
I was running past wildflowers, horses, small ponds and the occasional bunny and thought to myself, “Now this is just so lovely.” Gratitude for these small gifts of beauty reminded me of the second part to this story.
Beyond how miserable I was in those weeks following the D-day fallout, shone the Grace and Goodness of God.
I may be upset because I want to be trekking through the jungles of South East Asia, or drinking milk tea with the Mongolian nomads, but God knows better than I. Perhaps the economic and religious pressures in China are too dangerous right now; maybe Mongolia would alienate me, or South East Asia wouldn’t be a good fit. There are reasons far beyond what I understand at the moment, and God in His Grace is telling me “Not right now”.
I know this season in my life is pushing me to grow in areas I had been avoiding. God is so Good, and so Gracious, and so magnanimously wonderful, I know He’s waiting for me to open my eyes to see all of the beauty and fun and life He has for me right here in this pocket of the world.
Sometimes, I don’t get the things I want because I am a stubborn idiot and God is just protecting me from myself. I can push and fight and say I mean, come on God, this is so perfect. Perfectly disastrous is what it some things would have been, had God’s Grace not swooped me in its net. Sometimes there are things we are so hell bent on, that God’s Grace is the only thing between us and a personally made hell. It took a begrudging “God please help me, I need You more than this ” to fling me back to reality, clutching God’s shirttails at that near miss. What God has been telling me is “Wait. Please trust me and wait. You really don’t have to make bad choices because you’re a control freak. Just TRUST ME.”
What all of this has been teaching me is my ineptitude for planning and controlling circumstances not in my reach, and the complete ability and capability of a God who knows everything. His Goodness gives a peace that seeps in beyond the panic of not knowing. His Grace guides and leads, protects and directs.
I know in the retrospective lens of “later on”, I will see the great hand of God that guided and directed my steps through the darkness. Who am I, to question the Almighty God who so obviously loves me beyond my limitations? What more do I need to trust Him, when He has given everything for my well-being?
Why should I take my flesh in my teeth
and put my life in my hand?
Though he slay me, I will hope in him;
yet I will argue my ways to his face.